Deicide - Serpents of the Light (Roadrunner, 1997)

I always feel that there should be kale in the steamer while listening to this record. Lots of sesame oil to be had, a dash of balsamic. Then chilled, to be served with a medium rare salmon. Serve around 7pm, weather permitting. Should weather steal the moment, make it inside towards the left corner of the restaurant. There's a large pane of glass, that when it rains, streams downward in an almost marbling fashion. This spot is somewhat cool, and a light overcoat for her is recommended. A bottle of pinot grigio will have you smiling at each other in no time. Then this record comes on...

Its the perfect moment. Your eyes meet, glassy and sensitive. Life's little frustrations leave you and everything is exactly where it needs to be. The alcohol swimming in your mind, fearing you might make a wrong move, you nervously pay the bill and then your song comes on. Confidence swells up inside of you. You are no longer blushing, but sturdy in your movements, and she sees it. You both want each other, and this could be love.

It feels so right, so true.

Meant to be.

You sign the bill. On the way to the car, you can see that by the way she is walking she is trying to turn you on. On the ride home she whispers “I really wish you had some of that music that was playing in the restaurant”. You tell her “Well it just so happens....”. You put your song on. She starts to nibble on your earlobe, and you can feel the hairs on your neck stand up. Electric, your legs tense up, and you step on the gas a little more than you should. She gets nervous, and you grab her inner thigh and tell her everything is going to be ok. You can see that her faith is in you.

Need less to say, your night goes well. The guys at work can tell that something happened good. You are in a far better mood than you usually are. You don’t indulge too much information. Some things are best left to the imagination. This is the best Monday you've ever had. And its all thanks to one little record that made the moment that something special...

Get the Perfect Dinner Score Here

Or:

Tony Plichta is a microwaveable nutrition enthusiast, has a masters in bullshit, his relationship with his moms aint so great these days, he exhales into his bass drum, and thinks that these banana nut bread scented candles are off the chain!